Teaching Respect
This morning I sat in silence again with Quakers. Usually the children are quiet too--a considerable discipline for such wee folk. But this morning one little boy, two years old or so, began to kick the bench and laugh. I wondered what the meeting would do. Would a parent carry him off? Would someone prevail upon the parent to do so? Through one squinting eye I waited to see what would happen. This was a new wrinkle. The children are always so QUIET! Several minutes passed. Nothing happened. The meeting suffered the disturbance patiently. Later I stood to share my reflection on what had transpired. In other congregations, I remarked, such a disturbance would not be tolerated very long. The child would be ushered out promptly. This morning the meeting must have valued something else more highly than silence. What was this? A Friend rose later to give an answer: "We value seeking the truth above all else." She is right, I think. Silence is a means for Friends, not an end. Silence is a means for seeking, not what is sought for.
These two messages stirred a discussion after worship about how things have changed in society, how neighbors are much less willing these days to admonish children not their own. "We are too afraid to do that," one Friend said, "too afraid we will be attacked for insensitivity or rudeness." One elderly Friend recalled how, in his younger days, a neighbor had seen a boy in the neighborhood breaking his garage door windows with stones. The neighbor spoke to the boy, saying that he ought not to have done that, and that he should replace the windows. The boy was only six or seven, and had no means for replacing them. So, the neighbor said he would work with the boy, to help him put things right. He went with the boy to the owner of the garage, and said he and the boy would make things right. And they did. The neighbor showed the boy how to replace a window, how to cut the glass, how to putty, but much more importantly, he showed the boy what it means to be a good neighbor. "You know," said the teller of the story, "His action made a big impression on that boy. He spoke of it twenty years later." Yes, perhaps there is still a good way to take teach our neighbors' children respect.
These two messages stirred a discussion after worship about how things have changed in society, how neighbors are much less willing these days to admonish children not their own. "We are too afraid to do that," one Friend said, "too afraid we will be attacked for insensitivity or rudeness." One elderly Friend recalled how, in his younger days, a neighbor had seen a boy in the neighborhood breaking his garage door windows with stones. The neighbor spoke to the boy, saying that he ought not to have done that, and that he should replace the windows. The boy was only six or seven, and had no means for replacing them. So, the neighbor said he would work with the boy, to help him put things right. He went with the boy to the owner of the garage, and said he and the boy would make things right. And they did. The neighbor showed the boy how to replace a window, how to cut the glass, how to putty, but much more importantly, he showed the boy what it means to be a good neighbor. "You know," said the teller of the story, "His action made a big impression on that boy. He spoke of it twenty years later." Yes, perhaps there is still a good way to take teach our neighbors' children respect.
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